I sit here in my chair and see the sunbeams coming through the kitchen window onto my plants,"
sang Grace. "When I look at that I'm just thankful to be alive! It's a new day." Grace has AIDS.

Caritas Chaplain Carol Vogler is passionate about such experiences of hope. In fact, Carol based her doctoral dissertation on Grace's encounters with hope and those of four other American women.

"Tell me about a time when you had hope and tell it like a story," was the sort question Carol posed to her five research participants of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. She also invited each of them to keep a hope journal and to take photographs "when you feel hope." Carol's quest was to explore the experience of hope among women who suffer from HIV and AIDS.

Each of the women-Chantal, Anna, Grace, Christa and Vanessa ¬faced incredible challenges, some of which paled in the face of a life-threatening disease….including loneliness, isolation, poverty and abuse. "The pairing of AIDS and hope does seem like an oxymoron," Carol admits of her thesis topic. And yet hope was experienced by each of her research participants. "HIV is a gift from God; it made me change my way of life," Christa shared in her hope journal. "Hope encompasses all your dreams, and dreams are what makes a person live! I have great dreams, and even greater hope! I believe...I live...I love...I am."

When asked to sum up the meaning of hope, Carol avoids any narrow definitions. "Hope is both personal and universal," she asserts. "It is unique to each person. Some see it from a faith perspective, as a goal or an inner conviction. The experience of hope is the common element. Hope is very real yet elusive, just like love. It's real because you experience and simply know it, not because you can define it."

Though not everyone will experience the pain, the prejudice and the fear of AIDS, "all of us are going to face tragedy and challenging situations," says Carol. "I believe that it is our life's work to move through these periods in ways that are meaningful. It is a true paradox that in the midst of death, despair and meaninglessness, the life-affirming experiences of pride, meaning and hope can be found."